Which Hurts More: Hiding, or Coming Out to Shine and Being Unseen?

A vulnerable confession about writing, visibility, and why I still show up for the page—even when no one’s watching.

Substack is odd. At first it comes with deep excitement - because as a writer there is nothing I like more than to write. Facebook doesn’t tick that box for me. I want the time and space to think about my words and get into a flow that streams onto the page, so writing a long form article for Substack is exactly the medicine that I want.

The process is fun. Sitting down to the blank page. Thinking of an idea, or just waiting for one to reveal itself. It’s even fun putting the finished article into the substack app and finding a picture or heading to go with it. But then comes the death knell of silence, the deafening sounds of crickets.

Until I posted the article, I really didn't experience anything but pleasure. Pleasure in slowing down. Pleasure in creating. Pleasure in the written flow of my words and thoughts arriving onto the page, but then, because I posted it, the inadequacy bell rings loudly in the village square, echoing shame across the empty cyber plaza where no readers are reading and no followers are following.

Ugh.

Substack has teased me like all the other lovers before her. She has stolen my equanimity, just like Facebook and Instagram did, promising love faster than a tinder swipe, but relinquishing control to the fateful murmuring of the very distant crowds at the behest of an invisible algorithm deciding their fate too. Sigh.

Oh, how creativity loves an audience, and how it stings to be unseen.

Which hurts more: hiding or coming out to shine and being unseen?

This is the dilemma of life. You can always hide. That’s safe-ish. Familiar at least.

When you hide, the results are known. No-one will come and look for you. No-one will find you. You can stay where you are forever.

Or, you can put on your superhero underpants and step out of hiding into the bright light of day by bravely and boldly expressing yourself creatively, and still it's possible that no-one will notice. No-one will see you or your brilliance.

You may very well find yourself basking in the light of your own creation, all alone. As gloomy as this is, I’d call this a victory. I’d call this maturation. Healing. Growth. You may be all alone, but at least there is light to bask in.

I don't want to give my power to my lingering childhood disappointments. Those times when I leapt up and down with glee at my new creation only to be met with “Be careful”, "Don't break anything” or “Take that energy outside”. (See article on Happiness)

That history is not repeating itself. This is a different moment, unless I shackle myself to my memories and repeat it. That give me the power.

To break those chains I have the support of an accountability group where I’ve committed to write for 1 hour, 4 days a week. It’s a true ally ensuring I don’t quit in the name of worthlessness or the despair of invisibility.

At its deepest, my writing isn’t for anyone but me. So read it or don’t. Comment or don’t. I’m choosing to savor the pleasure of each creative stroke because writing pulls my words through my pen onto the pages where I can see, feel and know my soul. Simply put, because I LOVE IT!

What’s the thing you do that draws you in so fully that you lose track of time? What’s your Substack? Your sketchbook? Your dance floor?

Do more of that!
Hopefully no-one will see you!